Baloney of thoughts

Revelation

26/12/2006. The day had many specialties. It was one day after Christmas, one of my best friend managed to start his account in the world around 19 years earlier on the same day and someone died on that day. I dont exactly remember who died. He must be a relative of mine. I remember clearly taking my Grandma to see his body. But like so many of our generation, I was too pre-occupied to ask how I was related to the deceased. He had visited our house earlier and even gifted me a T-shirt. I remember him clearly as a giant of a man, cheerful and very friendly too. Hence it felt pretty weird to see his body lying there dead and all life gone. I didn feel any grief or even sadness. After all I hadnt known him enough. That night I started writing 'Genesis'.

In many ways death is the greatest thing about life. It is a surety which breaks through all the confusion that is so typical of Life. In many ways it also the biggest yardstick for living. Nothing helps you to prioritize life more than death. You cannot do it when someone close to you dies. The grief which engulfs our body also poisons our thoughts. But death as an abstract philosophical thought conveys lot of meaning to life.

I wrote 'Transition' on 27/12/2006 and 'Revelation' on 28/1/2007. This completes my 'LIFE' Trilogy. For a very long time, I have been thinking real hard whether to put 'Revelation' on this blog. It seemed only normal to put it and complete the trilogy. But the truth is I dont agree to revelation in many ways. I have had the revelation and life has not shifted any planes in one giant sweep. Now when I think abt it, revelation should have came second in order between Genesis and Transition. It is like the words "If all Genesis should end in a revelation, then all life is but a transition". Thus the words should mean that the real revelation should come after life. Maybe its like what the movies say, just when we are going to die, the whole life will flash in front of us. Maybe thats the time for revelation.

Revelation
(28/01/2007)

Hidden carefully in the rocky hedges
seen seldom but in the mighty cliffs
revealed only with a trembling ecstasy
the purpose of life is nothing but joy.

It’s path is split into mighty roads
Of sand and water, with forks and turns
Be it the mighty ocean or the unrivalled heat,
the treasure is found but in both.

A palace of such glory in the middle of the desert
A desolate road through heat and dust
A looming mirage always surging ahead
Until death a joyful experience indeed.

The golden bubble splashes on your face
It’s cool gaze tampering your pace
An insane doctor with a twisted smile
His weapon of choice is nothing but love

The mighty roads are paths of freedom
of justice and truth, not decisions in random
‘Survive’ the storm and the scorching heat?
The agony of Hades – eternal fate!

Worth is money and love it’s price
The most selfish act which hide no lies
You will walk through the gates of heaven
Rejoice, love in soul for the ultimate one.

P.s. I started writing this post on 3rd May 2009. 1 year, 5 months and 8 days later. I am still confused as to whether I should post it or not...

Life is free... Life is cruel. It has thrown us into this world without anything in particular to be done. There was the age when conventional lifestyle embedded in our thinking by parents, teachers and the society at large allowed us to live without any thought. But that age is past...lost.

When one discover the freedom to think, does he ever wonder on the magnanimity of what lies ahead. Of what that freedom can do to you. Of what will happen if we fail to find an answer.

The sparrow lashed it's wings
In midway flight, it looks above
In it's mind something rings
forgot to fly, it dipped low
Crash!! What death brings
is an end. Nothing new.

Death is inevitable. Fair. A perspective to an otherwise chaotic life... One certain thing in a life of uncertainties...

At the end of the day, what is the point? One has to wait till the end to get the point...I guess!!!

A car ride and what it can do to you

Today I dropped off my brother to his workplace and was returning back home. The nightmarish traffic in Bangalore means that every car ride will have an adventure of its own and by no means would be a small affair. Stuck in traffic, listening to the hymn of "Hossana from Vinayethandi Varuvayya by A.R.Rahman", eyes gazing at the sights afar, one hand resting on the gearbox and another on the side pane, I suddenly found another member for my list.

The list - Yes! That is a long story. The story starts with my best friend who introduced me to the concept of bucket list. I still don't know much about her list or how much she had completed it. But for a person who was having difficulty in even forming the list, completing it was totally out of question.There are very few - that which can be counted in my hands- things in my list. The only one which could be mentioned over here must be to have a personal library of my own. Quite an exotic image appears in my mind when I think about MY library - But I guess it will still have to wait. For now I am happy hunting for the books which will finally make it to my library.

But today I could come up with another one. A car ride through a desolate (occasional traffic is fine ;) and bullocks are also permitted) road. 60 Kmph seems a nice pace. I am obviously driving. It would be wonderful to have someone(?) sit besides me. For now I would be listening to "Hossana" but I am pretty sure that would change by that time. No A.C.! Windows rolled down and I like the air warm. Not much work for the gear shaft which means something to drink by my side. The occasional fields, forests, beaches and the ROAD. The setting is pretty exotic but if not why put it in the bucket.

I am confused beyond wits. An "Emotional Atyachar" in a sense. I feel peaceful, taken away into this distant dream. But somehow an invisible voice is ringing in my ears making it turbulent. Last 8 months were wonderful. New! Exciting! But... I wanted it to be something more. Greedy thoughts. I did nothing towards my bucket list. Whatever was left in the pipeline is still there. Not rotting down. But definitely subdued by the lack of pressure in the pipe. It is as if it has a mind of its own and is suddenly asking me : Dude Are you serious about all these things?

My answer: Read my blog :)

Milkshake

Courtesy: Before Sunrise

Daydream delusion, Limousine Eyelash
Oh, baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet cakes and MILKSHAKES
I am a delusion angel
I am a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
Don't want you to guess anymore
You have no idea where I came from
We have no idea where we're going
Launched in life
Like branches in the river
Flowing downstream
Caught in the current
I'll carry you. You'll carry me
That's how it could be
Don't you know me... Don't you know me by now

Weird thing about life is the uncertainty that it throws in your way every now and then. I think my last post covered this particular dilemma, and in quite detail. These are the times when my level of desperation tips over the red zone. But despite the cynicism, I always find myself, what's the term - 'back to the drawing board' after these occasional bouts. This is a period of calm or if described a little more adjectivally - like the lull after a storm. When the out-pour of emotions, be it happiness, grief or anxiety simply cease to exist because the body has somehow adjusted to the chemicals.

Right now I have re-discovered life.
Will it be any different?
Past experience doesn't support my cause. Maybe just another 'thing' which will go back along with the thousand other times when such discoveries were made.
Someone says 'Man's mind, stretched by a new idea, never goes back to its original dimensions" - I take hope from these words.

Even though every part of your bundled network of neurons says it is not true, "sometimes all that is required for a paradigm change is a birthday, a speech or an inspiring talk, a new experience, meeting a person, a kiss, one fine bath or even a few words in your blog saying "I am different now"